if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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