Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
