How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
