It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Send help, water and tortillas.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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