maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
