end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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