I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
