If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
