how do flat chested girls get laid?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
try to milk me bitch
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
