I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
