Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
This girl is more easily done than said...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
