Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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