if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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