Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
