apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
