she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize