I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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