I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
