he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
