You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
