One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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