I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
