Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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