And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
