come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
