Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
