The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
