I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
