We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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