Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
