At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
