Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You can't special order awesome
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
