She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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