so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize