i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
