You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
