he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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