oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
