VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize