K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
