Having a random hookup so left but love u
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
