whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Randomize
