It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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