'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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