I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
