I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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