how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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