btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
