You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
