I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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