He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
