My hand turned me down
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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