i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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