her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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