i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
