Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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