trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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