Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
