I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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