I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
