just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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