I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
