dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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