hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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