im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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