Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
