just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
