you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize