If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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