Cold hands, warm shart.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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