Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
