Whod you bang
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
