the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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