Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
