they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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