ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When are your genitals available?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
