He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
