All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Boobs are out for the taking
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
