I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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