doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
