I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
