Moan for me like Helen Keller
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
