just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
