You made me cry and you don't even care
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please come you make the beer taste better
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
