She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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