I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
