i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
