Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
