How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
