Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
