We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
