buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
