he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
