how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
