I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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