i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
